Friday, November 26, 2010

It's time to play...CAPTION THIS CARD!

When I started work on this site and began scanning cards, I looked at this 1959 Topps Larsen-Stengel card and thought "This card is BEGGING for a caption contest!" Perhaps one's been done somewhere else already, but I don't have time to read everything, much as I wish I do. Plus, these are good fun. So, here goes:

Write a caption for this 1959 Topps Larsen-Stengel "Words Of Wisdom" Card. Favorite entry, as chosen by me, gets the prize package posted below (more items to be added throughout the month of December). It might not be amazing stuff, but I think it's fun stuff and hey, you're only required to come up with one line of funny to win it, right?

This contest opens now and ends December 31st, 2010 at 11:59 PM Eastern Time. One entry per person, no creating pseudonyms to try to win or I will end you.

And now, the full prize package, updated as of 12/22/10!

A well-loved '72 Topps Broadway Joe!

A slightly less well-loved but still cool '74 Topps Dwight Evans!

The mighty '73 Topps Oscar Gamble!

'87 Topps Mini Blyleven gettin' funkay! (Note: actual card is well-loved.)

'10 Topps Update Runnin' Vlad!

'10 Topps Update Jim "Man that guy is huge!" Thome!

'10 Topps Update ZOMG TEH PUDGE!

'10 Update GOMES :D

Weirdo Whitehall Collection Hologram Set, including Cy here, as well as...


The Babe...


...and Honus friggin' Wagner. Oh yeah, this too..

(Just a reprint, kids, don't have a heart attack, but it's included!)

And a weird Photoshopped, standard card-sized version, for you Wagner reprint mega-collectors.

2010 Absolute Memorabilia Tom Brady (I hate this guy...)

'87 Topps Gorman Thomas (you knew I had to include one), home at last...

Little Bobby bunting! Yep, for those who can't read silver lettering on scans, it's a prospect card of Bobby Abreu from 1994.

"I got mad hits, like I was Rod Carew!"


Amazingly, this is currently my only duplicate copy of Roberto Alomar's rookie card. It's still about three too many, but your mileage may vary!

Yep, that's Cal. It's a well-loved '82 Fleer Cal (capturing the condition of the corners wasn't happening easily, but I can assure you that they're worn), but it's still a friggin' Cal Ripken, Jr. rookie card!

And finally...

'10 Absolute Memorabilia Football White Monolith Of I Hate You Panini, I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! Not an ordinary decoy card, though. This one will be personally signed, numbered 1/1 and, if you like, drawn on or inscribed by me! Goth girls would've paid good money for this 20 years ago, but it's yours along with all the other prizes for the low, low price of being wittier than the other 3 people who've come up with a caption for the following 1959 Topps card:

Seriously, though. Two posts about this (now three), the link all over the place, and only three entries so far? I read a lot of your stuff, and I know you folks are really, really funny. Get to work!


  1. I'll write one before I forget to:

    "Before there was the purple nurple, there was Casey Stengel's claw"


  2. "Look kid, if you're going to use a nail file on you when you pitch, make sure your nails are real neat like mine so no one will suspect you're using it to doctor the ball."

  3. I'm tellin ya the truth kid...give me a wall...any wall you got and I'll get a knob up on there and BAM we got ourselves a door. Just think of the possibilities! Hey weird don't happen to know where I live do ya? its alright...I'll figure something out...

  4. #1: "Arthritis sucks, kid. But I had a beaut of a knuckler before it finally shut me down for good!"

    #2: "This here is the letter 'C' in American Sign Language. First letter in my name. It stands for 'Complete Game', and also means 'yes' in Mexican. Er, what was the question again?"

  5. I'm gonna edit mine if its cool. If not, just go with the original.

    "Before there was the purple nurple, there was Casey Stengel's claw. Yanking struggling pitchers off the mound since 1934."

  6. "This is what I looked like before I got my new dentures. Seriously kid, do you know how hard it is to eat ball park food with no fu*%ing teeth? You ungrateful rookie."

  7. Don: Case, how do you respond to those who claim you're no longer mentally capable of managing a big league team?

  8. "24 right... 12 left... 22 right, and that's how I got the safe open. By the way, why's the NY so high up on your hat?"

  9. C - Mickey brought this dame right back to the locker room. Gorgeous broad... platinum blonde, blue eyes that stare right through yuz, the reddest lips youse ever saw, legs that just kept on goin, and a body... looked like two blimps crashing into the State Capitol building. Anyways, the dame was three sheets to the wind and shes only drinkin the good stuff y'know? French bubbly. Mickey neva passes up a drinking buddy so he wuz drinkin it wid' her. Drank two or tree bottles of the stuff and was burpin' up a storm. Sos they walk right inta the clubhouse making a racket, the broad's clothes were half off already. Yogi's eyes about popped right out of his head, scared poor Turley half to death. I hadta shoo 'em both into my office before Weiss found 'em out. So these two drunk bastids are flopping around my office trying to get ta foist base but they're so blotto that they're running ta third instead. Then alluva sudden Mick bolts upright, lets out a huge belch and races for the can like a bat outta hell. The bubbly went right through him and the burps was now comin' out the wrong side. So now this broad is completely sloshed and bent over my desk. I tells her "Hey! Ya dumb broad! Get outta here! you're messin up my lineup cards!" She turns around, looks at me and flips me tha boid! She sez "Make me, ya old goat!" and flops back down on the desk laughin. So I sees that big ol' rump wavin' up in th' air and reach out and PINCH! that dizzy dame right in the derrier! She yelps like a stuck pig and hot foots it out of the clubhouse right past ol' George!

    D - Ha ha! That's funny, Casey!

    C - ..and that's how I know yer wife.


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