"CAPTION THIS CARD!": The Winner!

I said "winner takes all", and you guys made it really rough on me, especially in the home stretch. I'd like to thank everyone who entered, and as a show of that thanks, anyone who entered and wants one (including, obviously, the grand prize winner) will get a uniquely defaced 1987 Topps card of a random player! These cards will be signed by me and numbered 1/1. All you need to do is email me with your address, your handle on here, and to make it just a little easier to verify you, the text of your entry. No cheating allowed here, just the contest entrants, please!

And now, the envelope, please...

It was really, really close, but our winning entry came in at 11:57 PM Eastern Time, right before the deadline! Congrats to dayf, who came out with this epic poem:

"C - ...so Mickey brought this dame right back to the locker room. Gorgeous broad... platinum blonde, blue eyes that stare right through yuz, the reddest lips youse ever saw, legs that just kept on goin, and a body... looked like two blimps crashing into the State Capitol building. Anyways, the dame was three sheets to the wind and shes only drinkin the good stuff y'know? French bubbly. Mickey neva passes up a drinking buddy so he wuz drinkin it wid' her. Drank two or tree bottles of the stuff and was burpin' up a storm. Sos they walk right inta the clubhouse making a racket, the broad's clothes were half off already. Yogi's eyes about popped right out of his head, scared poor Turley half to death. I hadta shoo 'em both into my office before Weiss found 'em out. So these two drunk bastids are flopping around my office trying to get ta foist base but they're so blotto that they're running ta third instead. Then alluva sudden Mick bolts upright, lets out a huge belch and races for the can like a bat outta hell. The bubbly went right through him and the burps was now comin' out the wrong side. So now this broad is completely sloshed and bent over my desk. I tells her "Hey! Ya dumb broad! Get outta here! you're messin up my lineup cards!" She turns around, looks at me and flips me tha boid! She sez "Make me, ya old goat!" and flops back down on the desk laughin. So I sees that big ol' rump wavin' up in th' air and reach out and PINCH! that dizzy dame right in the derrier! She yelps like a stuck pig and hot foots it out of the clubhouse right past ol' George!

D - Ha ha! That's funny, Casey!

C - ..and that's how I know yer wife."

Awesome work, dayf! Email me with your address and I'll get your prize package (along with the bonus defaced '87 card) out to you this week!

 Our first runner-up (and it was really, really close; this one killed me, too) was dkwilson, with the following entry:

"24 right... 12 left... 22 right, and that's how I got the safe open. By the way, why's the NY so high up on your hat?"

 Second runner-up was Sandy, who busted this one out:

"I'm tellin ya the truth kid...give me a wall...any wall you got and I'll get a knob up on there and BAM we got ourselves a door. Just think of the possibilities! Hey weird question...you don't happen to know where I live do ya?

...no its alright...I'll figure something out..."

 Our third and final runner-up was Nathan, with this gem:

"Don: Case, how do you respond to those who claim you're no longer mentally capable of managing a big league team?
Casey: VROOM! VROOOOOOOOOM VROOOM!"

Thanks again, though, to everyone who entered, and as I said, you're all welcome to a horribly defaced 1/1 1987 Topps card, with "artwork" by yours truly, also signed by the artist. (Think of this beauty if you're wondering what the style of the art will be like.) Just email me with your address, your handle on here, and to make it just a little easier to verify you, the text of your entry.

For those who missed out on the contest this time, there will be another "CAPTION THIS CARD!" contest in the future! I've already got the card picked out, in fact. Stay tuned for details!